More Than a Grade

Revised:

The stereotypical picture of a Chinese household is pair of "Tiger Parents" and a child pressured into learning to play a musical instrument and vigorously studying for exams, either alone in the comfort of his home or in a stifling exam-preparation classroom. This stereotype is based on true scenarios common throughout the Asian-American population—myself included.

I come from a Chinese household that values education as a means of securing my prosperous future. According to my parents, test results could make or break my future. I needed to test well so that I could attend and graduate from a prestigious university and find a job immediately after that would provide financial stability and prosperity. Years ago, I let myself believe in the same line of thought, and test results came to measure my worth. If I wanted praise, if I wanted to feel proud of myself, I had to do well—I had to score in the top percentile.

As a child, I lived my life in blissful ignorance of test performances. Once I became aware of them in third grade, however, I let define me. I remember English was my worst subject in elementary school. My standardized English scores were never on-par with other subjects. Thus, I must have been terrible at communicating and writing. I was embarrassed that my English was so lacking compared to my Mathematics, which were at the top of my game. 

"How come you didn't get 100%?" my parents would ask me after a Language Arts test. I was left staring at them with large eyes, unable to answer. Why? Why was I struggling to do well? I didn't know. I didn't know what I needed to improve or how. I came to dread English tests; I knew I would not be able to get a perfect score like I would in Math. 

I remember how absolutely certain I was that English was my worst subject, despite seeing my grades represented in numbers—despite English topping my History scores in middle school. The numerical data did not matter this time. My writing was terrible because of my parents' initial reaction to my standardized test results. As an impressionable child who did not understand how standardized testing worked, this became my reality. I let it lower my confidence in my writing.

After entering high school, I realized that my writing was not garbage as I had previously been led to believe. When I wrote my first essay for 9th grade English, I did "well" when I turned in my first draft. Even without revising my papers for my teachers, my initial scores were passing. My classmates would catch a glimpse of the "70" on my paper to regard me in awe. I was confused before my teacher began explaining the revision process, telling us not to worry about the average scores of 20%. In fact, I received compliments for my essay from my teachers and peers, when my work was shared. My teachers' words of encouragement and praise throughout high school mended the wounds to my self-esteem I had inflicted upon myself over the years. I am no longer afraid to share my work.

I realized that I express myself better through written word than spoken word as a result of my lifelong hearing impairment. My sentences are more elegant; my thoughts are clearer, more profound and sophisticated. When I am writing, I no longer find myself fumbling to find the right word or worrying about my pronunciation or accidentally derailing my train of thought.

Regaining my confidence in writing, whether conversational for correspondences via email or academic essays or storytelling, makes me feel more at ease for the future. I am confident that I can present myself professionally. I know that my writing ability will be a useful asset in the future for storytelling and game design. Because I am confident in my writing, I do not feel limited by my skill; I am free to create as much as my imagination allows and share it with the world.

Original:

I come from an Chinese household—a household that values education and test results. Prior to high school, I held the belief that I struggled in English and in writing. My standardized English scores were inadequate. Reflecting back, I do not actually remember how my English scores compared to my Mathematics scores, but if I am correct, they were not sub-par, but simply not as proficient as my mathematics scores. I was merely led to believe that I was a terrible writer because of my parents’ initial reaction to my standardized tests. As a child, I did not understand how standardized testing worked, and I let it lower my confidence in my writing.

After entering high school, I realized that my writing was not garbage as I had been previously led to believe. I realized that I actually express myself better through written word, as a result of my lifelong hearing impairment. My thoughts are clearer; my thoughts are more profound. My teachers’ words of encouragement and praise helped me regain my confidence in my writing, and I am no longer afraid to let others view my work. 

Regaining my confidence in writing, whether conversational for correspondences via email or academic essays or storytelling, makes me feel more at ease for the future. I am confident that I can present myself professionally for business enterprises, and I know that my writing ability will be useful in the future for storytelling and game design. It is because I can write well that I am not limited by my skill; I am free to create as much as my imagination allows.